• If you are the newcomer to the family, you may find it hard to adjust to your "instant children”. You are suddenly expected to take on the responsibilities of parenthood and you, your partner and the children can find this hard to get used to.

• If you are the parent of the children, you may find that they grieve for the familiar life they have lost. They may be defiant or difficult, refusing to accept the authority of the new step-parent or perhaps playing one of you off against the other.

• If some of your children have a different surname from the rest of the family, they may dislike having to explain it at school and among friends. You too may find this a problem: the different name is a constant reminder of the past, when you want to concentrate on enjoying the present and building the future.

• The children's other parent, who is no longer part of the immediate family, may upset you or your partner or the children by being neglectful, or by visiting unexpectedly or by involving the family in arguments over visiting.

If you decide to proceed with the adoption the first step you are required to take is to put in writing to the local authority your intention to adopt; it is important that you both sign this letter. In the letter it is important that you give the child's full name and date of birth, how long you have been married and whether both the child's natural parents are agreeable to the adoption. (This particularly means the parent who will lose parental rights and responsibilities, if the adoption goes ahead) It is also helpful to state how fully the child is aware of what you are proposing to do. Please address your letter to Manager, Family Placements and send it to: 235 Grove Road, Chadwell Heath, Romford, Essex. RM6 4XD.

Once the letter of intention has been received you will be sent an acknowledgement giving the official date of receipt that you will need to quote when you submit your application to the Court. At this stage you will also be sent some other information and asked to complete a form providing more detailed information.